Avoiding the Miss in Miscommunication

Taylor Swift’s new song “Blank Space” is being called one of the most misunderstood song lyrics of all time.  We all hear “Starbucks lovers” instead of “the long list of ex-lovers.” Thank goodness from this mishap we get the awesomeness from What’s Up Moms – check out the video if you haven’t seen it. (https://www.youtube.com/user/WhatsUpMOMS)

For the rest of us, when miscommunications, especially in relationships, it’s anything put a parody.  Miscommunications result in all out war leaving devastation in the aftermath.  Watch this clip taken from the movie Fireproof, http://www.wingclips.com/movie-clips/fireproof/i-want-out.

Many miscommunications can be avoided by making some simple changes.  Check out this acronym  –

L – Learn to be aware of body language – Researchers varies, ranging anywhere from 50-80% of communication is nonverbal communication.  This involves the tone, your body language, and the pace of your speech.  If you are being loud and aggressive, the other person is likely to not hear what you are saying – thus leading to misunderstandings.  Be aware of your body language and the body language of the person you are talking to.

I – Use I” statements For example, “I’m hearing you say _____.  This simple phrase helps both people connect and make sure they are on the same page.  It’s amazing how many arguments are avoided by this little phrase! Using “I” statements decreases defensiveness in the other person allowing for more effective communication.

S – Stop what you are doing –  I can’t tell you how many times I’m on my phone when Justin is talking to me.  I mindlessly agree to something, “u-uh,” creating friction and disagreements.  This can easily be avoided by simply stopping what I am doing and giving my full attention.

T – Take a deep breath – When miscommunications occur, irritation and frustration usually follow.  Take a deep breath and if necessary, take a break.  Come back when you are calmer.  Take a deep breath and start again.

E – Eye contact – Maintaining eye contact can be difficult.  However by taking this step, you are showing the other person you respect them.  Eye contact helps to build connection and fosters deeper levels of empathy.

N – Realize you are NOT talking to a mind reader – Assuming someone else knows what we are thinking is a breeding ground for miscommunications to occur.  Instead of communicating our thoughts, feelings, and needs with our loved ones, we think statements like ‘they should already know that” or “It’s obvious to him/her how I felt”.

Taking these steps will help you have smoother communication leading to more satisfying relationships.  Relationships are hard work, requiring sacrificial love and commitment. Too often in relationships we spend our time talking AT our loved one versus WITH them.  Take time today and listen….

Blessings to you,


If you would like additional resources to help protect your marriage, check datenightsuccess.com

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