Learning to Let Go
July 12, 2014 our life changed forever. Honestly, I thought by this point we would be through the medical process and on our way to normal living. Well, that just hasn’t happened. We are basically at the starting line according to the doctors.
According to the tests, it’s a miracle that Justin is even up and around. In order to keep him healthy, the docs want to do a major surgery. So, the surgery is scheduled. We journey on.
As I process the past few months, I have noticed subtle changes in my mood. Despite a plethora of unknowns, I have peace. Instead of fear, I feel calm. A small still place powering my mind and heart. I believe that peace is a gift from the Giver.
Through this process, I am learning some lessons. I experience life in a different way. A better way. A more freeing way. Through this process, I am learning to let go of some things and I am also learning how to hold on tight to the things that matter most to me.
What I am learning to let go:
Worry – Major time waster. Spoiler alert…it does no good. There are a bazillion things to worry about. I never in a million years would have thought to worry about Justin’s pancreas. Never. Ever. Yet, here were are…worrying does no good. In Jesus Calling, Sarah Young shares how if you worry about something 15 times, you are actually experiencing it 16 times. We are only meant to experience events one time. When we worry, we experience the event several times.
Living for the future – Instead of spending my time focusing on what’s going to happen next. I’m learning how to embrace and be present in what’s going on in the here and now. This can be really tough, especially when pain and discomfort is involved. Even still, I have found peace in not worrying about the tomorrows and focusing on what I have going on right now.
Micromanaging – Ugg, so glad to let this one go. Or at least, learning to let this one go. Friends, it feels good. For example, it doesn’t really matter how the toilet paper roll is on or how the towels are folded. If we have toilet paper and clean towels, I consider this a real win.
People Pleasing – I lived much of my life striving to conform and please others. Whew, letting that one go feels really, really good. Lysa Terkeurst calls this the Disease to Please. It really is a disease that keeps me running in circles trying to make everyone happy.
What I am learning to embrace:
My faith – Without it I would be a broken, frazzled mess. In times of uncertainty, prayer, the Bible and faith power me through. With it, I am strong and able to weather this storm. I know I am never alone. He is always with me. His rod and His staff comfort me.
Friends and family – I don’t know what I would do without family and support. If you are reading this, chances are you are one of the two. Thank you. I pray a special blessing over you, your words of encouragement, prayers, and support are a priceless treasure.
Feeling my feelings even if it is messy – I believe that God is allowing our family to go through this experience. But we have to experience it. I want to feel the pain, the fear, the anger. I want to experience what He wants me to experience so that I can learn and grow from the experience.
Making memories – Like the Tim McGraw song, Live Like You’re Dying, I now look for ways to live my best day. I make an intentional effort to connect, to experience life and be present. This doesn’t have to be anything glamorous. For me, it may be simply texting a friend or being present with my kids.
Hugs and kisses – I kiss my husband and children as much as I can, with the kids as much as they let me. I squeeze them a little tighter and hold them a little longer.
As I’m typing, tears fall down my face. But a peace also washes over me. Friends, I don’t know where you are right now. Maybe you are where I am…uncertain of the future. Maybe everything is going great.
No matter where you are, God is the same. He is in control. He has this. He is holding you in his almighty hand. Living in fear and worry will only keep you from experiencing this peace. And let me tell you, it really is a crazy, awesome peace. It transcends all understanding (Phil 4:6).
Join the conversation: What do you need to let go of? What do you need to learn to embrace? I would love for you to comment on Facebook or through the post.